Tuesday, March 31, 2009

If you haven't figured it out this month has been serious on Tuesdays. I've been talking about sacrifice and Lent and stuff like that. I'm really not feeling like being serious. Actually I feel very much like being serious which is why I can't be. It is like having a big red flashing button that says "danger do not push." You know I'm gonna push it. I figure I have a 10% chance of dieing by activating something clearly marked as "warning, danger definitely under no circumstance do not..." 10% seems like a small chance when you take it at face value, but consider a few important things.

First, most people have less than a 1% chance of that death. Much less.

Second, let's face it how often have you seen a button or switch with that kind of warning label? Yeah that means there can't be many but if I'm within a few miles I figure my instincts will kick in a take me to the source of my destruction. I just can't pass up something like that.

Third and finally, the other 90% is related to the same kind of accidental death just not involving a clearly labeled button or switch. I'm living proof that curiosity can kill more than just cats.

I can't help it I need to know what things do. My last words will most likely be, "fascinating" or "So that's what that does."

What does all this have to do with why I can't be serious right now? I feel like I have to be serious. I'm tired and a bit cranky, plus this is my serious post day. Everything tells me to do it so I'm being defiant. That is just how it works.

So in an attempt to find humor in frustration.

So I need to clean the floor in the Youth room. We have an old floor cleaner but it is broken. I can get it to spray chemical but not water. I took it apart and there is no physical reason I can find. It is just obstinate. (on a side note I do understand how I frustrate my wife by being the same but unlike the machine I can appreciate how funny it is to irritate people) We called someone with a floor cleaner but that one is broken to. It will spray but not vacuum.

Now for some reason my solution isn't acceptable to my wife and the other lady. I say bring the other floor cleaner over. I have one that will vacuum but not spray, they have one that will spray but not vacuum. I have a hammer and duct tape, we can franken-cleaner them into a single working unit.

Speaking of franken, did I ever tell you about my frankenphone? It is my single greatest achievement. Sure some people are proud of their kids, and mine are awesome, but this is more awesome. A few years ago, when I was a carpenter, I was very abusive to my phone. It wasn't intentional, but the silly thing kept falling from heights. I think it might have been depressed because all the newer cool phones could play mp3 ring tones but it was stuck with the old polyphonic tones. Anyways, one day it leaped to its death and broke the LCD. Fortunately I had acquired an identical phone when a friend upgraded theirs. I was using the replacement as a charging station so I could run my battery dead and have a backup in place.

I switched the sim cards and presto I was back in business. Then the new phone got depressed seeing all the other fancy phones. It jumped off while I was going up the stairs and damaged its circuit board beyond repair. So there I was with two dead phones and my cheapskate alarm went off. One phone had a dead LCD and the other had a dead circuit board. A short time later I had pulled the circuit board from both phones and put the good one into the phone with the working LCD. Next thing you know I had a working Frankenphone. The new phone seemed much more durable as it lasted another 2 years before I upgraded. The Frankenphone now sits in a place of honor awaiting its call to the big game. One of these days it knows the new fancy phone will give out but the will of the Frankenphone will endure. It will rise from the shelf and takeout any new fangled electronic device as it establishes world domination.

Don't look at me like that. I am not an animal.

BTW did I mention I'm distracted by the revelation of shiny candy? You got to get past a nekkid buttler but it is there are the bottom of this post (I made two references to rear ends hehehe)


katdish said...

Oh, Nick! You, Jeff and my husband could talk for HOURS and HOURS about frankenphones and the like.

And, rather than listen to this, I would want to go discount shopping with Tamara and your wife. But y'all would totally have to watch the kids, which you wouldn't do because the 3 of you would be getting your geek on, and my house would be completely destroyed by 8 children who were left completely unsupervised.

Yeah, that's how it would go down.

Nick the Geek said...


I'm thinking you need to work on your math. You didn't count Jeff, your hubs, and myself in the total number of unsupervised did you? We will cause out share of destruction as everything is taken apart to see if it can be given more and or repaired.

"If it ain't broke you aren't trying hard enough." ~Red.

jasonS said...

My favorite part of that was you talking about the floor cleaner that sprays chemical and not water and then you follow that with an aside that you do the same to your wife. I just started picturing you spewing chemicals from your mouth or something... yep, I'm just weird.

Nick the Geek said...

not exactly the point I was going for, but I bet it isn't an inaccurate analogy.

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