My Experience as Youth Pastor

In the last installment of Super Youth Pastor SYP made some poor time choices and found himself collapsed on the ground.

As he shakily stood to his feet SYP was overcome with dizziness and had to sit before buckling again. Already he was surrounded. He tried to get his bearings as the shadows closed in on him. If only he could focus. He couldn't remember where he was or what happened. All he knew was something was wrong. He hadn't had so much as a cold since he became a super but this felt worse than any flu ever. He could feel the heat coming off his eyes and waves of nausea were breaking over him like the surf rolling in before a hurricane.

The closest shadow reached to him and he feebly swatted it away. It seemed his weak push was more than the shade could endure and the rest pulled back warily. SYP didn't know how long he had before they built up the courage to come back. He tried to remember where he was but the last clear memory he had was months ago at one of the many summer concerts. As the summer dragged on more and more things were happening and it all merged into one big blur, as if everything was happening at once not in any order. The more he tried to focus on any one thing the less clear it became. He remembered dealing with the Bored of Elders. At that encounter focus impaired him as well so he tried letting the chaos overwhelm him but suddenly it was so much that he became violently ill.

As the heaving subsided he saw the shadows quickly moving in again but he didn't have the strength to push them back. Something was pulled off of his face and light came streaming in. It was much too bright and made his head throb. The shadows seemed more solid but he could barely keep his eyes open as they laid him back down. The waves of disjointed memories ebbed and flowed all about him now. In weird moments of clarity he saw medics lifting him and heard the wail of sirens. He saw the panic on Super Wife's beautiful face and smelled the pungent antiseptic smell of the hospital. As each fragment of clarity the anguish of losing his mind brought with it anger and depression before falling back into the sea of disjointed memories.

He heard a strange chuckle that brought about a powerful feeling of déjà vu. The lights were low but he should have been able to see someone in the room with him. A recent memory came into focus. The laugh he had heard the in the night as he left the church last night, or was it weeks ago? How long had he been in this hospital anyway?

"Are you alert this time?" SYP jumped and heard the machines quicken as his heart raced. "Calm yourself, you might bring the nurses to check on you, and you wouldn't want them to get hurt would you?"

Was he hearing voices now? Had he completely lost his mind? Strange, he felt more sane than he had since he first awoke into the raging storm of memories.

"Don't worry, your mind is not completely lost … yet." The voice was both calm and menacing, but it seemed to echo around the room. "I am not one to be seen. A shadow. I work behind the scenes planning everything. When I am involved none know I exist. I am the best at what I do."

"Who are you? What do you do?"

"I am the Planner. I have worked hard this summer to keep you busy. So busy that your own body could not save your mind. I struck only after you were much too distracted to notice. I was surprised to see that you have been recovering from my toxin. It seems your mind is suited to the mind breaking affects. I have been well paid to … shall we say remove you from the picture."

"Wh…"

"Sorry to interrupt, but don't bother asking who hired me. You must understand that I couldn't reveal that even though you are about to perish. I would have finished you off earlier but I prefer to work from the shadows, it is what I do best after all. Such a forward move is usually beneath me so I waited to see if your mind really would recover before I moved. This is a first for me so you will have to excuse my curiosity. Could you please refrain from attracting attention while I study you for a bit? Some of the tests are bound to hurt, but you will need to be alert so I cannot allow anesthetic. If you attract attention others are bound to be hurt."

"Huh?"

"Oh of course, you will need some time to think about it, but I'll start some of the less invasive tests while you think. It really is important for me to know why you recovered so that this won't happen again."

With that the shadows seemed to coalesce in front of him and pull a series of instruments from the darkest part of the corner.

What is the Planner going to do? Will our hero recover enough to stop this shadow? Has SYP actually lost his mind? Find out this and more next week, same SYP time, same SYP blog.

Labels: Super Hero, Super Youth Pastor, SYP

"And so it is settled, we will keep him so busy he won't know anything is wrong until it is too late."

SYP sat bolt upright in bed. His sleep deprived brain was trying to remember what startled him. Something dark and sinister in his dreams still haunted him. As he tried to think he began to realize he didn't even remember coming home. He has been so tired when he left the church that he just came home on autopilot. He doubted a car crash could have done much to him, but the worry that he might have hit someone in his overworked stupor scared him more than anything in his dreams.

A few restless hours later his phone rang.

"Don't answer it. It is supposed to be your day off."

SYP ignored Super Wife as he picked up the phone. It might be one of the students and they need him to be there all the time.

"'S'up, Sup?" Came the voice of one of his students. SYP was right and felt justified in taking the call, "Did I wake you?"

"No, I've been up for hours," SYP honestly replied.

"Good a bunch of us were getting together for some paintball and wanted to know if you would like to come?"

SYP considered for a moment and then agreed. Super Wife was not happy. They argued the whole time SYP was getting ready. He explained over and over that he knew it was his day off, but that playing paintball couldn't be considered working even if it was with some of the teens. He even invited her to come along, be she adamantly refused. SYP didn't understand why Super Wife didn't want to come. She had been several times in the past and was a great player. They could use the time together. Heck the two of them alone could probably take on everyone else and still have time to themselves. Super Wife didn't buy into that argument though.

SYP fumed the entire trip to the Paintball venue. As he pulled in he saw the students waiting and put on a smile. They had already broken into teams and were fighting over who would get SYP. He agreed to take turns and got two arm bands with his air and paint. They played a dozen games or so and were pretty well covered in paint when the day was done. SYP had walked into an ambush as the end of the day. He knew it was there but felt bad that the only marks on him were from the old paint that coated the courses. He sent a scout back around to capture the flag as he stormed the breach. He had to fight the impulse to dodge the flying balls and shoot his attackers. He had always been able to see the balls as they flew, they weren't nearly as fast as a bullet, but now his reflexes were so quick it seemed like the projectiles were thrown by small children, not high pressure gas. As the wave came in he noticed that both teams were in on the assault, even the player he had sent to capture the flag. He reached out and caught the first round being careful not to break it and then flicked it at the one who failed to follow orders. He smiled as the paint spread across the student's goggles. He laughed as the barrage completely covered him from all sides. Death by a thousand cuts indeed. SYP felt so alive, so awake so … confused.

He looked up at a group of panicked faces. What happened?

What did happen? How did SYP end up on the ground? Who is plotting against him? Is it already too late? Will Super Wife ever forgive him? Join us next time, same SYP time, same SYP blog.

Labels: Super Youth Pastor, SYP

When last we saw the pastoral protagonist he had just stopped the church split engine once again saving the day. Over the summer a routine set in devouring all of his time. The church needed mending and the youth needed things to do. The Janitor seemed leery of the events at the church, what with having to clean up after SYP on so many other occasions, and the voluminous fissure rent in the church by the bored of directors through their church split engine was more than he was ready to fix.

The youth group got larger with every event and so SYP's time was spent at or planning the next big thing. All seemed well until the end of the summer led to the confluence of performances that nearly destroyed our hero.

This is where we find him, alone and exhausted.

The darkness was closing in again as another late night beckoned. SYP had been working over 12 hours each day for the past 3 weeks. He was excited that the planned concert had already sold 500 tickets through his youth, but even with the new help he felt the weight of it all on his shoulders. It was hard to believe that less than a year ago they would have been lucky to sell 50 tickets, but word spread fast after the nearly disastrous lock-in.

SYP walked through the dark halls of the church and shuddered as he passed by the repaired cleft from the near church split. Time would heal that wound if he ever had any. He checked the last door and turned off the last light before heading home to Super Wife. She would still be waiting for him at this late hour, supporting him but clearly sad for all the time he spent at the church. SYP sighed as he started the car.

He could remember his excitement when he first discovered the powers bestowed upon him from Super Pastor in order to save him from a terrible accident brought on by his own bravado. He loved the feeling of conquering powerful foes in the church world, but none had surfaced all summer long. It is fortunate they did not for SYP wouldn't have had time to do everything that needed doing.

SYP remembered to turn his lights on as he pulled out of the parking lot. His super vision didn't require the assistance but the local police might not appreciate his abilities in lieu of the mandatory beams. There was a momentary sparkle of a reflection in a deep shadow but no movement caught his eye so SYP thought nothing of it. In the back of his mind he thought he heard a light chuckle over the din of the engine, but dismissed it as a manifestation of his daydreams about fighting real villains, not just the monotony of business.

What will Super Wife say when Super Youth Pastor gets home? Did our champion really hear something or is he losing his mind? Tune in next week, same SYP time same SYP blog to find out.

Labels: Super Youth Pastor, SYP

Last we saw our hero he was succumbing to the Bored of Grump. It seems the dastardly Elder Grump desires Super Youth Pastor to only bring in well behaved church kids instead of following his conscious and reaching the lost. If you are joining us half way then you can catch up here.

Time has lost all meaning. All I can hear is the drone of voices telling me I am weak. I cannot make it. I am not smart enough. I am not good.

My eyes are so heavy. I'm not even sure they are open. I want to stand up and yell. I want to cut this near sighted moron to size with biting sarcasm but I cannot move. It is taking all of my concentration to keep my thoughts my own.

Slowly SYP moved his thumb. His eyes were lightly closed as if in a dreamless sleep.

The Elder Grump allowed the corner of his mouth to twitch as he complained. He was careful to keep his tone steady and even. He has lost control once but not again. He remembered how much life Super Pastor had when he first came to the church. Elder Grump advised against hiring that pastor. He had too much energy, his dreams were too big. It took a four day session to break him but in the end the Bored triumphed. This young Youth Pastor had resisted for nearly a week now. He even broke free once in the beginning. This would be the sweetest victory.

Energy, I need energy. If I could just focus … or maybe not focus. I'm too focused. This is like mainlining Ritalin. If I could find a way to tap into my ADHD I know I could break free.

"So in review I'd like I recap reasons 100-200 once again."

Just then there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it? I told the secretary we are not to be disturbed."

The door opened and a young man walked through.

"Hey Sup, I got your text. The key was right where you said it would be. Here's the Lo-Carb Monster. What's the big emergency?"

The young man tossed a can of Monster to SYP. The distraction allowed him to open his eyes but he couldn't raise his hands to catch the energy drink.

"Boy! Who said you could come in here?" demanded Elder Grump.

"Sup sent me a text and said there was an emergency and he needed a Lo-Carb Monster. The place was locked down but Syp told me where to find a key."

"Get out of here, and someone take that drink from this room. We are going to have to start over again now."

One of the Bored members grabbed the young man and started pulling him out. Another went to where the Monster had fallen but found a cell phone instead.

"Let go of him now."

Everyone turned to see SYP tossing the empty can aside. He was standing and he was mad.

"Thanks Tim, you might want to go now. I'll fill you in a couple minutes from now."

Holy slammed can of energy drink. What will our champion do now that he has consumed the elixir of ADHD? Find out next week, same SYP time same SYP blog.

Labels: Super Youth Pastor

SYP crashed early that afternoon. Super Wife, the Naïve Intern, and Griz all stayed to help clean up the worst of the mess after the Lock-in of Horrors. It was an amazing evening of Love Crazed Teen Zombies and the Evil Purple. All of the teens were returned to normal and only remembered the fun parts of the evening. They believed it was somehow part of the mystery game planned for the evening. The Janitor was getting everything ready for the morning service so SYP got to finally get some rest.

SYP had only been asleep for a few minutes when the phone started ringing. It was Mr. Grump, the chairman of the board. SYP had to hold the phone away from his ear as Mr. Grump proceeded to tear him down for letting things get so out of hand. Mr. Grump promised he would regret destroying the church that his family built. After a few minutes SYP was unable to take any more. He was already tired and didn't trust himself to say anything kind. He knew that if he couldn't say anything nice he shouldn't say anything at all, so he hung up on Mr. Grump. Over the next several hours the phone rang off the hook as one person after another called to complain. SYP was about to turn off his phone when Super Pastor called. This wasn't a call he could ignore.

"Hello?" SYP inquired meekly.

"Hey, you sound tired."

"Yeah, things have been a bit hectic."

"Listen, I've been hearing from Mr. Grump and many of his friends. It sounds like things were a bit wild last night and we need to have a meeting after church tomorrow. The board insists on being there."

"Super Pastor, You don't know what it was like …"

"I don't need you to tell me now," SP interrupted, "I just called to tell you about the meeting. You need to get some rest now so you can think straight tomorrow. It will be another long day."

"Yes sir."

SYP hung-up the phone and collapsed into his chair. Super Wife rubbed his shoulders as she took the phone from him. It was already ringing again. She saw that it was Mr. Grump so she turned off the phone.

"I just don't understand," SYP lamented.

"Some people forget what it was like to be young, like Griz."

"Yeah but Griz at least helps out. He may not agree with how I do thing but deep down he loved the students."

"Then you are going to have to help them to love."

"I don't know how."

"Right now you don't need to worry about it. Just close your eyes and relax."

Super wife continued to rub SYP's shoulders and he felt himself relaxing as he drifted into a deep sleep. In the back of his mind he knew it was one of her powers, but at this point he didn't care. This sleep would be deeply relaxing and come with no ill dreams.

How will SYP deal with Mr. Grump and the Grumpy friends? What other powers does Super Wife have? Will SYP make it through the board meeting? Join us next week, Same SYP time, same SYP blog.

Labels: Super Youth Pastor

Last week SYP wrapped up a month long night of fighting against the evil purple. Well, technically the story was 6 weeks long but only because I put an introduction in January and the dénouement in March, but those weren't really integral to the story line. Anyways, I'm mapping out another story line, which I could have written an introduction for, but I wanted to talk about SYP for a bit.

I want SYP to evolve into something for more than just myself. Right now I am writing this to burn off some stress. SYP gets to confront issues that I can't. Like taking on purple directly. I'm sure anyone that has worked with Youth wished purple would take a physical form so you could take it out directly. In reality you have to deal with a lot of garbage because you can't confront the problem the way SYP did. In the next story arc SYP has to deal with some grumpy deacons because of what happened at the lock-in.

I'm sure that I would have something like this going on if we had a lock-in melt down like that, but the story is based on my own reality more than the natural extension of the last story. Youth has been growing and the people coming don't seem to have much church back ground. They act like you would expect and that is perfectly fine with me. I am working on teaching them but God is the only one that can change them and only when they let Him. Last Wednesday there was a group of brand new students that was run off by a well meaning grumpy old man. They were on their skate boards in the parking lot (which is a touchy issue right now) and I had to talk to them about toning it down because they were really pushing the edge of reason when they first arrived. They had calmed down quite a bit when this guy walks out and gripes them out. They had come with another group of skateboarders that have been coming for a while and when they got yelled at they tried to get the other group to leave with them. The group that had been coming stayed but the new group split. This well meaning grumpy old man ran off 6 kids that needed to hear the gospel over skate boarding. That kind of thing really makes me mad.

I hope these kids come back but they may never consider it because of the way they were received. This is the place that I am in right now and so SYP will be harsh with the grumpy deacons. I will say that this is not a reflection on the deacons at my church. They are pretty awesome and have supported a lot of my anti-establishment kinda thinking and actions.

After dealing with the grumpy deacons SYP will have to fight Apathy, which will also take physical form. The Youth group will swell from less than 100 to over 200 (what do you expect after that lock-in) but SYP won't be able to get the volunteers because of Apathy. This is also a huge problem I am facing. A couple months ago we were running 15-20 and now we are running 30-50 in a given week. If everyone showed up at the same time we would have about 70 students and I only have 5 reliable adults including myself right now. I need help in several areas but can't seem to get through to the people in church. I'm about to go into the highways and byways like the servants in the parable of the Master's feast.

Like I said before, I really want SYP to be a fun vent for others as well. I know a lot of people that read my blog are in ministry of some kind and so share in ministry frustrations. What kinds of things would you like to see SYP battle in the future? What are you going through right now? Do you relate to some of the issues I've been facing and have ideas you think I should try or SYP should try?

Labels: Super Youth Pastor

This is the conclusion of the story. For previous installments please visit part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, and part 5.

SYP had never been so happy to see his wife. Just when it seemed all hope was lost she came in and saved the day. He had never been so tired either. All night he had been tracking down the Love Crazed Teen Zombies and battling the evil Purple. The Cool Kid claimed to be responsible for it all but somehow he slipped off during the clean up. That was pretty bad too. The building had been hosed down during the fight against the LCTZs. It seemed to be the most effective way to convert them back to their senses. The multipurpose room was the worst. Griz had activated the sprinkler system when all the remaining teen zombies had been rounded up into that room. That was also where the fight with purple took place. A great pillar of purple hued salt stood where Super Wife had destroyed the beast with her glare. SYP wasn't sure how to dispose of it. Who knew if it might somehow cause another outbreak? It would be best to seal it up permanently.

One of the doors was completely destroyed also. The plot went much deeper than the Cool Kid. When Griz went for the Pizzas he was knocked out and tied up in his own vehicle. It took him hours to get loose and when he got back to the church he noticed his building keys had been taken as well. When no one answered his knocking he had to break in. SYP was glad they had made so much on the lock-in. He guessed most of it would go to repairing the damage.

The one highlight seemed to be that everyone had a great time. They didn't remember their time as LCTZs but they do remember all the fun "games" and "staged" fights with over the top special effects. Everyone kept asking when the next lock-in would be. No one had any idea about who the original killer was. Of course the rest of the drama was interrupted by flesh craving zombie drama so it was unlikely anyone would guess. In the end SYP did a random drawing and one of the new kids he had never met won the Wii.

By the time parents started showing up the students were dry and ready to go. Fortunately the broken door was on the other side of the building from where the teens were leaving. None of the parents seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary. The Cool Kid had driven himself and his car was gone.

SYP called the Janitor so he could get in early. They had cleaned up most of it by the time he got there. SYP was especially concerned about the pile of salt and the broken door so they made sure that was finished and at least temporarily secured before anything else got started.

"What did you do?" asked the Janitor when he arrived late in the morning.

"Yeah sorry about all this, but hey look on the bright side, it's still cleaner than after VBS."

"Still cleaning glitter out of those classrooms."

"Need us to stay and help?"

"No, you'll just get in the way. Get some sleep cuz you know the Board will be talking to you tomorrow."

"Thanks"

"Don't thank me just yet; I'll be talking to them tonight."

SYP just smiled and took his wife by the hand as they walked out to their car followed by Griz and the Naïve Intern.

Labels: Lock-in, Super Hero, Super Youth Pastor