Saturday, May 16, 2009

It has been quite some time since we last heard from our daring hero of Youth pastorliness. His alter ego has been much too busy as of late, but in the calm before the storm we once again see the light shining beckoning the champion of frigintasticness everywhere to come forth and battle evil. If you are new to SYP then you need to go catch up. We'll wait. Just do a search for Super Youth Pastor in the upper left.

What? You want me to do all the work for you? Fine I will give you some links. Don't say I never did anything for you.

That should have everyone caught up. Now it's time to find out how the meeting is going.

"And that's the four hundred and eighty-sixth reason why you are a horrible Youth pastor, now for reason four hundred and eighty-seven."

Holy freakin' Monkey Butt this meeting is going on forever. I can feel the strength slipping out of me. Is it possible boredom is my kryptonite? Are they actually trying to bore me to death? It's like time has officially stopped. I swear the second hand hasn't moved since I started looking at it. Is that clock broken? No my cell phone says the same thing. I wonder if they would mind if I started sending texts to some of my students? Maybe I should start tweeting or bloging from my phone. They wouldn't know the difference. Look at the stack of papers Elder Grump is reading. He isn't even half way through. Why don't they just give me a copy to read and we can discuss it later. Look even Super Pastor is nodding off. I think Elder Grump has the power of narcolepsy. How much longer can this go on?

"And for that matter most of the children that attended your little event don't attend this church or any church that we are aware of."

Wait did he just complain that people came to church that don't attend church?

"Excuse me, Elder Grump, could you please say that again? I don't think I quite understood your point."

"WHAT?!?! You haven't been listening to me?"

"No, I mean yes I have been listening but that last statement I don't think I understood what you meant. Are you complaining that teens are coming who are not in church?"

"Yes, look at what those hooligans did to our church. We need respectable kids like the ones attending 1st Self-Righteous down the road. Why don't we try to have an event that they will attend?"

"Respectfully Elder Grump, mostly because they are already attending another church."

"Listen you little punk, I've been in this church for 70 years. I've been on this board for 40 years. My son installed the doors that your precious heathen destroyed. I don't need some youth wet behind the ears Youth pastor telling me why we shouldn't get good kids into the Youth group. You will listen or we will find someone who will listen."

Finally some excitement. I can feel the life flowing back into me. I can move my arms and I can feel my feet.

"You go find someone who will listen to you and while your church is dying I'll be busy listening to God and being part of a living church."

"Oh no you don't" Suddenly the monotonous tone came back into his voice. "You will sit there as I read the other 809 reasons why you are a terrible Youth pastor. I will break your will and mold you into what this church needs. There will be peace and quiet around here. Reason four hundred and eighty-eight that you are an atrocious Youth Pastor."

Instantly SYP sank back into his seat. He could barely turn his head to look at Super Pastor. It seemed his eyes had become alert for a moment but now they were glassed over again. If only SYP had brought a lo-carb Monster or something. It seemed he would have to sit here and listen as the Elder Bored crushed his will and killed his love for God and Youth.

How will Super Youth Pastor Survive? Is there any hope? What about Super Pastor? Can anyone save our heroes? Find out next week, same SYP time same SYP blog.


katdish said...


Was the best SYP post you've ever written. I can't wait for the sequel.

Nick the Geek said...


I'm trying to decide if SYP resorts to violence. Personally I'm leaning that way because people like Elder Grump just plain make me mad, but I'm not sure if that's a line I'm ready for SYP to cross.

Billy Coffey said...

SYP is da man! And thanks for the links so I could catch up.

Violence doesn't solve everything. But it does solve some things. My redneck opinion, of course.

Marni said... rock!

Yes, they are trying to bore you to death. My church tries to legalize us to death, so I believe anything "they" want to employ to bring on death is possible now that I've seen it in action.

The cure for your boredom, is in fact, Lo-Carb Monster. Don't be caught in a meeting again without it. Have one of your students (that can legally drive) leave school if necessary and deliver you one straight to the meeting. Tell them it's a ministry they are performing for you and God will give them a bonus crown if they can have it there in 10 mins or less...

Nick the Geek said...

Billy Coffey,
Thanks. I wish I could be as frigintastic as SYP. Of course I also wish I could bust some of the adults in church upside their heads. SYP may be doing that.

I'll make sure SYP gets the message. Just so you know you can follow him on twitter. He is having a really hard time concentrating right now but if he can focus enough to move his thumbs he might be able to send a text call for lo-carb energy.

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