Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I wrapped up a discussion on sex with my youth last week and I hope it went well. I think this is something that we tend to avoid because it makes us uncomfortable. I believe we have done a disservice to entire generations based on the way we have approached sex. In the past sex was a total taboo, at least coming in from the Victorian era. Personally I think there was a lot of sex talk going on in Victorian England but just not around the queen. Here in America there seemed to be one church movement after another that focused on how wrong sex was. Of course the point wasn't really that sex was wrong but that sex outside of marriage is wrong but that particular nuance kind of got lost in translation.

The result is that people feel uncomfortable talking about sex outside their peer group. I think most people feel like everyone else will think their weird or something because of the way they feel, but the truth is most people feel the same way. The truth is sex is good.

Yep I said it. Sex is good and we really need to make it clear that sex is even better in a marriage. Well, it should be. Think about it, in a marriage there is a long term commitment to openness and honesty. That is the theory, but since we have been taught that sex is bad it feels weird to talk about it with our spouse. That is a very important part of sex though. Being willing to explore and experience each other, but that isn't done by randomly touching or poking.

They say the most powerful sex organ is the brain, but the most powerful sex tool must be communication. Talking before during and after, making plans, and listening to your spouse. Media portraits married sex as dead and lifeless sex, but that is only true if we allow it to be. A person that goes from partner to partner cannot ever learn that person they are with. That takes a lifetime.

In other words, marriage is the best venue for sex because it creates an environment for long term study of your partner.

If you are married then think about your sex life. Do you actually talk to your spouse about sex? When was the last time? Your partners likes and dislikes can change from one moment to the next so don't assume that the spot behind the ear still does the trick. Ask and listen. If you aren't satisfied with your sex life then try talking more. Check out the 30 day sex challenge.

If you aren't married then consider why sex is best for marriage. There are so man reasons why but the kind of commitment that should be in marriage is a powerful reason why sex is better in marriage, or should be.


Monica said...

In reading some of the things on your blog, I have to ask if you've read Theology of the Body, by John Paul II. If I had to sum it up in one word, that word would be AMAZING. It is an in depth scriptural study of what it means to be human (male and female). If you're short on time, I would suggest some of Christopher West's books on it (The Good News About Sex and Marriage and Introduction to Theology of the Body). He also has Theology of the Body Explained, but that is another one that is a lot more time. There is also a great series on Theology of the Body for Teens by Jason Evert. Not sure you could use it directly given that it is Catholic (the sections on different vocations may not be so applicable). But great, great stuff in there.

Wow. That's all I can say. It's a lot more than just discussion of sex (the verb), but on that topic, it is wonderful healing for our crazy culture. It is healing both for those that think that sex is "dirty" or "wrong" as well as those that think that sex is okay anywhere at any time with anyone that consents. CLEAR teaching on why only sex inside of marriage (between a man and a woman) offers the kind of love that we are all looking for. It is a very loving message. I have a whole new appreciation for the dignity of every person.

I know this is long, but I could keep going for a lot longer. Short version is, if you aren't familiar with it yet, you need to be. I can't tell you how this has changed my life and been an instrument of healing for me.

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