My Experience as Youth Pastor

Yesterday I mostly wrote about a group that I facilitated in an ethics workshop. I was told by someone that they were frightened at how callous the girls were. I will say that this group was a bit harsh but there were a couple that didn't go with the group decision. They just didn't stand up for their opinion very strongly. More importantly there were some really cool opinions from other groups.

One story in particular was a young lady that I noticed right away. She dressed so that people would see here. Not in the slutty way but in the 8 inch tall Mohawk and all the cloths you would expect to go with that hair style. Most of the students were dressed up a bit because they were told to dress nice. I had hoped she would be at my table but I wasn't so fortunate. I know we aren't supposed to judge books by their covers, but I tend to read people. In this case I read correctly and she would have made a great addition to the group. It seems her personality would have pushed the group to think about their decisions more carefully.

On the question about a friend that was on steroids she got up to speak for her group as a whole. After introducing herself as "Anarchy" (later I learned that her name is Anna so the rchy is tagged on ... I guess she spells it Annarchy?), she laid down more strongly than anyone else that it isn't cool to let a friend do something destructive like that. At one point she said "I'd rather lose our friendship than to lose a friend." That is powerful and the kind of person I want to see in my youth group. Maybe that is why they call us the freak show, but they don't know what is inside.

Anyways, I also wanted to say it was cool being there and having so many people there that recognized me. Only two of my students were there but a couple dozen teens walked up and talked to me at some point. There were people I've met through various things I've been involved with. Very cool to see I'm getting to know so many of the students and they are getting to know me.

Back to my original point. Yes, we have a lot of self centered students, but we also have some really amazing ones even if they don't look like we expect.

Labels: working with Youth

So it has been raining all day and I don't like days like this. I mean I really hate days like this. For some reason, these kind of days seem to attract problems on top of the "it's cold and dark and I want to just stay under the covers" feeling. In fact, I think the body's natural defense against the bad things that come on rainy nasty days is to try and convince you to stay in bed.

First thing I found out when I got to the church was that one of my students avoided a fatal accident last night when her mom wouldn't let her go with her friends. Four of her friends were in a car crash that left one dead, and one still in the hospital. Later I found that the student in the hospital is related to some of our church members. I made it to the hospital to pray with him and his family.

At Youth service we had 52 students. I am really loving the sign in chart by the way. Not only do I know exactly how many students we have, but the skipping church bit is really nonexistent. Of course there were some problems. Basically cold and rainy means 52 teens cooped up in about 3000 sq' of building instead of much more open land like they are use to. Plus they were wound up by being cooped up all day in general. This was compounded because 3 of my leaders weren't there tonight. Family stuff but wow it was out of control but mostly in a fun way.

After service I had to drive a bunch of students home in the van. One of my leaders that wasn't there normally does this. One of the students just plain drives me nuts. Constant complaining, insults, and downright stupid "look at me" behavior all night and for the entire drive is enough to drive anyone crazy. After I got back I had to take one more student home. The van was full and this student lived closish to me so I had him come last. We had a nice conversation for the first time since he has been coming. His mother has lupus and he is really trying to step up for his family. He is the oldest and is carry a huge burden for a young man. I am very burdened for him now and really feel frustrated at not being able to really help, but I'm also very glad that he is finding what he wants and needs in the church.

I guess everything really worked out despite not wanting to get out of bed. I couldn't be happier with how things are going in service. We are making the transition into the kind of Bible study/preaching atmosphere I am pushing for and most of the students are really getting excited about it. I'm also getting to know some of the new students better so I'm very happy I didn't stay in bed all day.

Labels: working with Youth, youth service

Youth is really coming along. The one young lady that I was really frustrated with that might be leaving the church came and talked with my after service. She went somewhere else but came to our service to talk and I think it really helped. I'm not 100% sure what is going to happen but I'm feeling that she really needs to be plugged in with a woman in the church for mentoring and I have the perfect person in mind if this person will say yes. Anyways, it seems to be working out and I'm feeling much better about it all.

For specific numbers, we had like 4 visitors tonight plus a few of our semi regulars showing up for a grand total of 52. The sign in sheet makes it easy to know how many people are there since I never think to count. I'm a really bad pastor as far as that sort of thing goes. I'm also bad at over estimating how many people are there. Everyone that signed in stayed, but the one that skipped out last time didn't come tonight. The whole thing is working pretty well right now.

I felt a little overwhelmed though because we were down a few leaders. The main outside leader was out of town on business and two other leaders weren't there, one for work and I'm not sure what happened to the other. Also last week was the last week for one of my leaders. This means we had about as many students as we've ever had with 4 fewer leaders than we have had in the past 3 months. Despite that things went really well.

I also started the first phase of getting my students more involved tonight by having one of the students doing announcements instead of me. It was nice to not be the only one talking and I'm expecting to get more involved. I asked the girl that I was really impressed with over the weekend and she did a great job. I'd like to try and have some of the students put together stupid little skits and stuff for some of the announcements. That would be great.

Tonight was also phase 2 of the transition to a stronger Bible study type environment. The end goal will look like this; I'll read a Bible passage and give some explanation of what it means. Then small groups will get together and discuss questions related to the subject then we'll meet together again for my review of the questions and a sermon of sorts. I did this before and I think it works really well. The big change for tonight was I had a series of questions that I asked and get input from the students as a whole. It worked well and I was very happy with the responses the students gave.

Of course the most fun I had all night was early on in the evening. The grumpy old man that threatened a student a couple months back and who hasn't been coming to church on Sundays since was there. He is still teaching the Rangers and I am concerned about that on many levels but I have bigger things to deal with right now. He is basically ignoring me though, which amuses me. Any time I see him I try to be nice and say hi and ask how he is. I'm a southerner. We can show courtesy to our worst enemy. He tends to pretend he didn't hear me though. Sure he is old and hard of hearing, but in the past he would ask what I said if he didn't hear, now he just walks the other way. Now I could let it go but I much prefer another approach. Loud kindness. It drives him crazy I think. Not exactly why I do it, I want to show that I live what I preach. Still, I enjoy the look of frustration on his face when I ask again "have you had a good day?" as loud and joyful as I can possibly be. If you want to really mess with people that are angry with you then pour on the kindness. Grumpy people can't stand when they are doused with joy.

Labels: kindness, working with Youth, youth service

Not me, I'm totally ninja. I'm referring to some of my students.

I will say that things are really starting to change in the Youth group on Wednesday nights. They are becoming more and more respectful, hearing more and more of the Word and attendance is holding steady. I've been praying about having some of the guys step up and say they want to be involved in leadership and I have had 4 step up in the past couple weeks. All in all I couldn't be happier with how things are going.

There are a few problems yet. There has been an ongoing problem with students wandering off on youth nights. Some of them have left to run to 7-11 and come back, others have gone over to the hospital to skate, a few run to friend's houses to pick them up or something, but a few come and hang out till church starts and then disappear only to be back right after service ends so their parents are none the wiser. We have tried several thins to curtail the disappearing student problem and some things have worked.

We have a great snack shop so students don't have to run to 7-11. We sell Monster for $2 which is less than anywhere. Everything we sell is cheaper than 7-11. I was running students down as they walked off time and time again, but it seems the most effective thing to reigning in the wanderer was being right. Ok I was right the whole time but a couple weeks ago they learned just how right I was. I warned them many times about the dangers of wandering off but 2 weeks ago a student left with a group 3 times. I brought them back 2 times but didn't see the third time. That last time someone pulled a knife on the student and stole his iPod touch and skateboard. Everything worked out fine but the most of the students have learned an important lesson.

One group has been an ongoing problem though. They leave do who knows what (ok I know much of what they do) and then come back so parents can pick them up. I have hinted to the parents by calling and saying "I really missed … this week." And even flat out said, "you know your child leaves when you think they are here right," but the parents in question refuse to believe me. I'm not sure what else to do. I told them when they leave they have left for the evening but they come back and wait off property. I'm really at a loss as to what I can do about them.

I had another group head off tonight. I talked with them later and explained why they couldn't do that and it lead to a great conversation with a student that doesn't really know what to believe. At first he was saying he was an atheist, but then it came out that he was more agnostic than anything. I didn't brow beat him or anything, more than that I wanted to make him feel that he could come without being judged. It did lead to talking about what I believe and why. I got to share parts of my testimony and he admitted he liked to hear why I believe. That it isn't just blindly accepting what others have told me but based on studying and real experiences. He said, "I feel like I might be able to believe in something like that someday."

Like I said, I'm generally happy. I could use some prayer with regards to the ones that leave. I don't want them to come for the numbers. They are there part of the night and I could count them if that was what it was about. No, I'm really worried for them.

Labels: ninja, working with Youth, youth service

Many things in life require a great deal of balance. Last week I found that my sense of balance is not what it used to be, specifically balance on a snowboard. There are other aspects to balance that I am getting better at but still need a lot of practice.

In youth we are still growing slowly and the people that are coming in are the kids that are not churched in the least. Mostly I'm pretty happy with how all this is going but I have one pretty big issue. I have three groups that will wonder off after they come to church. Usually they make it back but I really wish they would just stay once they get there. I know I can't force them to stay but there has got to be a better way to encourage them.

One group has been a particular problem so we notified the mother of one of the guys in a somewhat roundabout way tonight. Another person found out tonight from another source, that I did not have anything to do with, as well and was pretty hot about the whole thing.

Anyone deal with this kind of thing? How have you handled it?

Labels: balance, help needed, working with Youth